Fruit Punch and Fire Flakes
by gveret
Summary: In which Zuko and Mai celebrate a fifth birthday, and Azula sucks it up and does the Aunty thing.
1. Chapter 1

Zuko is utterly exhausted. On top of the Jian Lo corn debacle, the groundwater pollution in Fire Fountain City, and the United Front for Paper Dyers protest rally, today also happens to be Ursa's fifth birthday.

Thankfully, she's already past the dragon-themed parties phase, so at least there wouldn't have to be a repeat of last year's spice-saturated, firecracker-festooned nightmare. Zuko already has all the third degree burn scars he can deal with, thank you very much. But a birthday is still a birthday, and when it's only your fifth (and the third you can even minimally recall), a big deal not being made out of it is, regrettably, not at all likely.

"I'll make sure not to remember your thirty-first birthday if it makes you feel better," Mai assures him as he organizes his impressive stack of paperwork with one hand while struggling with his hairband with the other. "I'll also help you with your hair," she adds, "if you beg."

"I'm not going to beg," he says irritably. "I can do my own Agni-damned hair. And I stand by my decision to dismiss all those unnecessary handmaidens. A ruler is responsible for presenting an example of self-sufficiency to their people."

"Which is why we have four cooks, naturally."

"A ruler is also responsible for generating employment opportunities," he mutters.

"You're very wise, Zuko." Mai kisses his neck and casually unravels his half-done topknot. "As accentuated by your perpetually sloppy hairdo."

Before he can come up with a sufficiently witty response (or, more likely, a sufficiently sullen one), Mai slices Zuko's hairband in four pieces and throws them on top of his paper stack.

"You should really stop messing around and get ready," she reasonably advises. "Our guests are about to arrive."

.

When you live in a castle that has its own apple orchard, finding a place to host a kid's birthday party is, obviously, not an issue. Mai and Zuko, with the help of the few servants they did keep, set up several tables, benches, pillows, and an inflatable pool in the main garden, which is easily big enough to hold their close family, Ursa's friends, and a horde of Mai's distant relatives, whom there was no possible way not to invite without incurring much political retribution and guilt tripping.

The Royal Palace's four cooks have been working very hard on a birthday banquet fit for a princess, which naturally means a whole bunch of whipped cream and corn syrup, and inevitably resulted in an overexcited five-year-old with a sugar high.

"Dad, Zhuyin's still asleep," she informs Zuko with all the righteous indignation of a girl who's been personally and maliciously wronged. "I blew in his ear and I put all the china doll hats on his face and he's still sleeping."

"Let him sleep, Ursa," Zuko tells her. "He's smaller than you and he needs more rest. Don't worry, he's just as excited as you are. He'll wake up soon enough."

"Soon enough isn't soon enough," she states sensibly and storms off.

While pouting is entirely beneath her, Ursa has no qualms about sulking around in a conspicuous manner. There are definitely some things Zuko would rather his children didn't learn from him, but he has to admit, the kid's got some talent. She might even be able to out-brood Zuko himself.

However, as had been foretold, Zhuyin wakes up within the hour and joins Ursa in restless anticipation of the Guests, harbingers of Food and Drink and More Presents. Once united, they immediately apply themselves to sulking conspicuously together.

.

Azula, surprisingly enough, is the first one to arrive. She comes in through the front gate carrying a large backpack and wearing her uniform in the muted green of the Earth Kingdom firefighting unit. As soon as Ursa spots her, she puts her sugar-fueled adrenaline to good use and starts running.

"Aunty Azula!" she squeals and nearly tackles her to the ground.

"Yes, yes, hello," Azula replies stiffly as she tries to regain her balance and remove her backpack. "I come bearing gifts."

She pulls a stack of colorfully wrapped boxes out of the pack. Ursa's eyes immediately light up, and for a moment it almost seems like Azula's going to throw them and shout '_Fetch!_' while making a hasty retreat, but she simply holds them out and begrudgingly tolerates a midsection hug and a joyful squeak. She even pats Ursa awkwardly on the head.

Zuko hides his grin with a fist. His little sister has come a long way. Soon she might even reach the much-vaunted landmark of basic human emotional functionality.

Ursa lets go of Azula's torso so she can paw excitedly at her numerous boxes.

"That's a lot of stuff!" she declares approvingly. "Mom and dad didn't get me this much stuff. You're way better at this than they are."

Azula looks pleased. Being told she's better than Zuko at something is probably up there with not being hugged by little kids with sticky hands on her list of things she doesn't dislike. "You're welcome," she tells Ursa. "Now go away."

Ursa scampers off to brag about her presents to her little brother, tragically unaware that she's going to have to share them with him anyway. He'd most likely break her favorite toy, too.

Zuko approaches his own little sister, bearing, luckily, nothing that can be broken. Well, except for his bones, of course. But he's pretty sure that Azula and he are past the stage of their lives where they're trying very hard to kill each other.

"Azula," he greets her.

She inclines her head with the greatest amount of disdain a gesture of respect can convey. She truly has a gift. "Fire Lord Zuzu," she says.

"Thank you so much for raising the bar on birthday presents," Zuko tells her. "You have no idea how hard it is to shop for princesses."

"You're probably right. I was always much too sensible to expend any energy on _your_ birthday, after all." She smirks. "Ty Lee handled all the shopping this year as well. You're welcome."

"Wonderful."

They go inside to find a trail of torn wrapping paper leading up to two bright-eyed children in a pile of knickknacks.

"That really is a lot of gifts," Zuko comments.

"Yes. Ty Lee is a rather enthusiastic shopper."

"So what did she buy?"

"Well, there's the clockwork cuttle-penguin, the felt spider-moth that looks rather real, the triple-layer dress, a pair of pink cloth dancing shoes, and a whole bunch of other nonsense I forgot about. And _I_," she adds with a smirk, "got the most beautiful and intricate traditional Earth Kingdom doll for Zhuyin, and a very well-balanced dagger for Ursa. I'm sure even Mai would approve. It even has an inspirational inscription on it."

"Very clever, Azula," Zuko says.

"Thank you. I put a lot of thought into it."

"I'm sure. So do you want your old bedroom while you're here?"

"Why, of course! How I've missed all the happy memories. Thank you, Zuzu, for being such a considerate and understanding older brother."

Zuko repeats a plea for patience in his head, and doesn't rise to the bait. "Yeah, I figured," he says. "You can pick any of the bedrooms, they all have fresh sheets. Just drop your pack there and you can lock the door if you want. Do you have anything to change into?"

"I'm so sorry, Zuko, I'm afraid I didn't bring anything sufficiently frilly with me, what with all those birthday presents, provisions, and my spare boots. How silly of me."

_You don't really want to kill your sister. You don't really want to kill your sister. You don't _really_ want to kill your sister. _"Right," Zuko manages to squeeze out through clenched jaws.

"Oh, I have an idea! Why don't you ask Mai to lend me one of her gowns? I'm sure she'd be happy to oblige."

He sighs. He's trying, he really is. He deserves a medal for his perseverance in the face of impossible siblings and unceasing aggravation, if you ask him. "Just drop off your stuff and come help me set things up outside," he tells her, and goes out to the garden where Mai is already sitting elegantly in anticipation of watching him shuffle flowers around.


	2. Chapter 2

As soon as the present-opening rush wears off (and all the candy is laid out on the tables and looking enticing), Ursa and Zhuyin emerge from the palace and start scampering excitedly about. Zuko watches with amusement as Zhuyin stacks together a sandwich made out of nut crackers and pomegranate parfait with fire flakes on top, and tries to arrange it in a way that would be even marginally practical to eat.

Meanwhile, Ursa once again braves an encounter with a bored-looking Azula, who's been leaning against the tea table and pointedly not drinking any tea.

"How's the Earth Kingdom?" Ursa asks her and bounces up and down a little.

Azula stares at her for a moment before shaking her head and answering, "It's fine. There's a lot of –"

"How's Aunt Ty Lee?" Ursa promptly interrupts.

"She is also fine. Just two days ago, she –"

"Why didn't she come here with you?"

"Well, she's currently very bu–"

"Why's she so busy all the time?"

"She has many res–"

"Doesn't she miss us? We miss her. Did you know there are fifteen places you can hit someone so they can't bend? I bet Aunt Ty Lee could show me some. Dad said not to ask you about bending. I wanted you to show me how to make blue fire but Dad says I can't so I wanted to ask Ty Lee but she's not here. Do you think you can take Ty Lee in a fight?"

Azula stares at the now breathless Ursa with both eyebrows raised. Without taking her eyes off of her, she calls out, "Zuko, if you don't stop snickering and get this chattering cockatoo-chimp away from me this instant, I swear I'll show her exactly how to make an optimized stink bomb out of ostrich-horse sh–"

Zuko yelps and instantly drops the smile. They've been having enough trouble as it is with fire fights and singed hair and noodle sauce on all the fancy eveningwear. The last thing they need is to give Ursa and Zhuyin more ammunition of any kind. He quickly snatches Ursa up and hauls her over his shoulder in the direction of the fire flakes.

"Thank you," Azula says to him. To herself, he hears her add, "My, I can't believe I actually managed to finish a sen– oh, whatever."

As he carries her away, Ursa tugs on his robes and asks, "Dad, why doesn't Aunty Azula wanna talk to me?"

Zuko stifles a snort and wonders if five is too young to discuss the concept of irony.

.

Soon more people start trickling in, handing over presents and fawning over the birthday girl. It doesn't take long for Ursa to get fed up with hair-petting and cheek-pinching and having to say _'Thank you'_ very sweetly, and run off to evade elderly relatives.

Zuko can't really blame her. If it were him, he would've immediately incapacitated the first person to attempt to give him a heavily lipsticked smooch on the forehead. He wouldn't have actually knocked them out, though, unless he was in a particularly bad mood.

He goes to look for her, hoping she's not accidentally setting the toolshed on fire again while trying to execute a spinning kick. He should probably encourage her to embrace safer hobbies, now that he thinks about it. Like ropeless mountain climbing or platypus-bear taming or something.

To his great horror, Zuko finds Ursa doing something even more dangerous: pestering Azula. She tugs on her uniform, and Azula looks down at her with an expression he can't see but can certainly imagine. Ursa says something, gesturing wildly with her hands, to no visible reaction.

He's just about to rush over there and save his daughter from the wrath of the most fearsome former princess the land has ever known when, finally, after some more excited gesturing and, presumably, jabbering, Azula deigns to bend over so she's no longer towering menacingly over Ursa, and nods. They walk away from the crowd together, Ursa's hand fisted in the fabric of Azula's pant leg.

Well. That was slightly anticlimactic.

Quite honestly, Zuko never really got why his daughter likes his sister so much. It's not as if they even see each other all that often, and when they do it's usually Ty Lee who fills the part of the fun aunt while Azula just skulks around being surly and taciturn. And yet, Ursa never fails to get excited whenever Azula comes for a visit. It is rather mystifying.

He supposes he can maybe see the attraction now. After all, Azula is the very last person to tell a little kid how pretty they look in that dress and expect a polite curtsy or a ladylike twirl.

He follows the two of them, just a little, just to make sure there isn't going to be any sacrificing of virgins or gutting of baby deer or whatever it is Azula enjoys doing in her downtime.

Luckily, it seems Ursa is the one calling the shots, as she drags Azula to the practice ground and immediately attempts to spin-kick her in the shins. Azula catches Ursa's leg in her hands and flips her over, and, as far as he can tell, starts lecturing at length about something.

Zuko groans inwardly in sympathy for his kid. Being on the receiving end of one of Azula's lengthy lectures is never pretty. Not even he is brave enough to rescue her, for fear of being caught in the line of fire.

Satisfied for the time being that Azula isn't about to devour his eldest child, Zuko returns to the party area to take over Ursa's greeting duties until he can find Mai and try to coerce her into doing it instead.

Half an hour later most of the adult guests have already been greeted by Zuko, and Ursa and Azula are still practicing obscure martial arts forms together. Mai is nowhere to be seen and Zuko swears off diplomacy for at least a week.

Well, okay, more like two or three days. Tops.

.

After all the little kids arrive and Ursa runs off to join them, Zuko finds Azula sitting alone on a bench.

He sits down next to her and tries to think of something to say. He hasn't actually seen her in the flesh in more than three months, since the time she and Ty Lee dropped by while they were on vacation in the Fire Nation and brought Ursa and Zhuyin a ridiculous amount of rock candy.

"So…" he starts. "What treatment are you on now?"

He inwardly cringes. That possibly wasn't the best conversation opener.

Azula seems to agree. She gives him one of her most chilling looks. "You know very well I've been taking the same medication for more than a year, Zuko. You are the one who has to approve the gods-damned papers."

"You should really try not being so hostile sometimes, Azula," he tells her.

"And you should really try not asking idiotic questions," she shoots back.

Zuko sighs. "I just wanted to know how you were."

"Well, then, that is what you should have asked."

Zuko closes his eyes and massages his temples. After his uncle's death the mantle of equanimity had naturally passed onto him. He's still struggling with wearing it right side out.

He hears Azula shift beside him. A minute passes in silence.

Finally, in a clipped tone that's nevertheless softer than he'd have expected, Azula says, "I'm doing fine."

He glances at her and she gives him an almost imperceptible nod. Her right eyebrow is cocked in an expression of such perfect arrogance it's hard to believe a cast iron wrecking ball could put a dent in her ego.

"The dry season is starting," she says, "and we're having an increased number of wildfires in wooded areas and nature reserves thanks to lazy imbeciles throwing barbecues and leaving burning embers on piles of dry straw. So I suppose I can't complain about not having much to do. I'm still not allowed to roast them a little to teach them a lesson, but I admit there's some gratification to be gained from salvaging things rather than incinerating them every once in a while."

Zuko snorts. "That's nice," he says. "I'm glad you're enjoying yourself."

"Oh, drop the patronizing tone, Zuzu. I can guarantee you I get to play with more fire in a week than you do all year."

"That's just unfair. I have a whole nation to run, and you only ever took this job specifically so you could fuck around with fire all day."

"Well, obviously," Azula easily concurs. "What's your point?"

He grins at her. "You know," he says, "when we were younger, I'd never have thought you had a silly side. I always thought you were so perfect. And kind of evil."

"That's because you always had the most infantile way of looking at things," Azula replies. "You did some seriously idiotic and questionable things in the name of honor. Which is also why manipulating you was so easy back then; all I had to do was dangle some meaningless key phrases like _realize your destiny_ or _make Father proud_ in front of your nose, and you'd follow like a lost puppy." She puts a mocking little emphasis on the last word.

Zuko feels his temper flare. Azula really knows how to push his buttons. "You're one to talk," he spits. "You would completely obliterate me in an idiotic and questionable actions contest; I wouldn't even last for one round."

Something vicious flashes in Azula's eyes for a moment, and is gone. "Yes, Zuzu, I am the undisputed heavyweight champion of crazy and irrational shit," she says calmly. "Thank you for pointing it out once again. Would you like to discuss my time in the Shin Wu Institute for the Criminally Insane next?"

They stare at each other for some time. Azula's expression is perfectly neutral, but she is the first to look away.

Zuko runs a hand through his hair and thinks about nervous tics and how much of them is acquired behavior. He didn't have hair to run twitchy fingers through, once. "We can't go through even half a conversation without doing this, can we," he says.

Azula's lips tighten.

"Talking to you is like a rollercoaster ride, Azula. Except without any of the fun. It just leaves me feeling sick."

"Zuko…"

"For a while I almost thought we could put all this shit behind us and act like adults," he continues. "But maybe we're just too infantile for that."

He glances at Azula, whose face is impassive and unreadable, and makes to get up off the bench.

"I'm sorry," Azula suddenly blurts out. "Nothing you said was… I'm sorry."

Zuko blinks. He doesn't often hear the words _I'm _and _sorry _used in conjunction with each other by Azula. He looks at her and her blank expression and clear eyes and her sensible bun, the signature bangs tucked tightly away.

That shouldn't seem symbolic of anything. He's thinking too much about haircuts.

"If Ty Lee were here she wouldn't have let this happen," Azula says awkwardly, the corner of her mouth quirked slightly upwards. "She'd have distracted you with acrobatics while I made my escape, thus saving us both several minutes of useless drivel."

"You're probably right," says Zuko, tentatively mirroring her smile. He sits back down and clears his throat. "Where is Ty Lee, anyway?"

Azula's features lapse back into a scowl. "With her new boyfriend," she says.

"But I thought you two…?"

"Yes, well. It's a complex situation, and no concern of yours."

"So you broke up," he states.

"We most certainly did not!" she snaps.

"But you're not the only one she's with."

Azula's scowl deepens. The laughter and high-pitched squeals of the party make an odd background to Azula's ire. Eventually she looks away and repeats, "It's a complex situation."

He lets it go. If Ty Lee is willing to put up with his sister on a daily basis, and if Azula is willing to watch her girlfriend hook up with other people, then that really is none of his business.

"So," he says. "Ready for siblingly bickering, round four?"

Azula brushes off her sleeves. "Fine," she replies. "But mental wards, past Fire Lords, and precarious relationships are out. Loser does all my laundry for the duration of my stay."

"Sure," says Zuko. "That sounds completely fair."


	3. Chapter 3

**Note: **Quick shout out to Louise, who doesn't have an account so I can't PM her to say how much I appreciate her incredibly sweet reviews. And to anyone else who might be reading, thanks and I hope you enjoy. (Oh and happy holidays, I think, right?)

* * *

Toph arrives late to the party, which is just as should be expected. Zuko spots her rearranging the clay tiles around the patio. He has to admit, she's doing a better job at it than whoever designed them in the first place. Maybe she should consider ditching the force and striking up a career in interior design.

As he approaches, she turns around and waves in his general direction.

"Toph!" he calls. "Hey. It's good to see you."

"You too, Firepuffs. Well, hear you, anyway." With a shift in footing and two quick motions with her hands she returns all the tiles to their original places. "I missed you at the Fire Colonies integration rally last month."

"Yeah, sorry about that," he says. "I wanted to at least make an appearance, especially once I heard you were going to be there, but some internal matters came up that I couldn't blow off."

"I know how you feel. You don't even wanna know whose arms I had to twist into which shapes to get the time off to come here. Or maybe you should wanna know. It's a pretty sweet story."

He laughs. "I'm glad you could make it," he tells her. "But you really didn't have to wear your armor. This is a party."

"I know!" she says. "It's the perfect place to pick up guys. They _love_ the uniform."

"What about your boyfriend?"

"Who?"

"That guy you were with last time we spoke."

"Zuko, last time we spoke was more than two months ago."

"Right."

"Exactly."

He smiles very goofily. Being able to smile very goofily without being mercilessly mocked is one of the many perks of a one-on-one conversation with Toph.

"You know, Toph, if you were a man you'd have dozens of illegitimate children you didn't even know about by now."

"That might sorta still be the case," she mutters.

Zuko stops smiling very goofily. "_What?_" he says.

Toph blows a strand of hair off her nose. "Nothing," she sighs. "Forget I said anything."

"You mean…?"

"Hey, just forget it. It's probably nothing anyway."

He studies her face, which is rather hard to do because it's mostly obscured by her hair and he's just altogether pretty terrible at this in every possible way.

"You know," he starts hesitantly, "if Katara's too uptight to talk to sometimes, you have, uh, other female friends, okay?"

Toph grimaces exaggeratedly at him. "No offence, Zuko, but your sister isn't exactly my go-to girly chat girl, either," she says.

"What? No, of course I don't mean Azula. She could make Sokka seem tactful." He clears his throat. "But Mai is, uh, you know, a _mother_. If, if you had some questions or something. Or I guess you could ask me – though I should probably tell you I passed out less than twenty minutes into both births."

Toph can't exactly glare, but if she could, he has no doubt that's precisely what she would be doing now. "You should know that if I didn't find your stuttering to be kind of cute I'd be totally pissed at you right now," she tells him. "You better not breathe a word about this to anyone, got it, Burning Britches?"

"Why are my nicknames always the most awful?"

"I don't know. You're a very nicknamable guy. So are we pinkie promising on this or not?"

Zuko holds a hand to his heart and a pinkie in the air. Even if Toph can't see it, pinkie promises should always be done right. "I hereby pinkie-promise not to tell another soul about the possibility of maybe an extra Beifong coming into existence at some point sometime," he pledges.

"Good," says Toph.

"But should such a scenario ever occur, I want godfather precedence."

"Absolutely not."

"I'll take that as a maybe."

.

After complaining for the eightieth time or so about how tired he is to Mai, she finally gives him an actual reply. Not that talking to a Mai who's ignoring him completely isn't one of Zuko's favorite pastimes, of course. If it weren't, would he be engaging in it as often as he does?

(Probably, yes.)

"Azula offered to take care of the kids for the weekend so we can have a couple days off while she's still in the Capital," Mai tells him.

"Really?" he sputters. "_Why?_"

She shrugs. "She and Ursa seem to have bonded over their inexplicably shared enthusiasm for uninteresting firebending trivia and potty humor."

"What are you talking about," says Zuko. "Azula doesn't have a sense of humor."

"Regardless. I think we should take Azula on that offer, Zuko. It's hardly going to drive her crazier than usual, and I miss having very loud sex."

Zuko makes a small noise somewhere between a cough and a squeak. He misses it too. "You know it's not Azula I'm worried about," he manages to say, to his eternal and undiminishable credit, fairly coherently.

Mai completely ignores his probably very prominent blush. "Well, you should be. I didn't raise kids that can be easily bossed around, despite having you for a father," she says. Before Zuko can open his mouth, she adds, "If you say one word about honor, I will walk away."

.

Azula, for some reason, seems very smug when Zuko informs her they'll be using her services as babysitter. Normally that wouldn't be surprising, since smug is more or less her default state of being; but this time there are children involved. Azula does not like children.

"Are you sure you're okay with this?" he asks her.

"Absolutely," she says. "I'm delighted to help in any way I can."

He eyes her suspiciously. She smirks at him.

"All right, what are you plotting?"

"Why, brother dear, I'm sure I don't know what you mean."

"Come on, Azula, you're a better liar than this. You don't have to do this if you don't want to, okay? Just say the word and we'll cancel the whole thing."

"No, that's quite all right," she says, her smile sharpening. "We're going to have a very…_ educational_ time together, little Zhuyin and Ursa and I."

As if on cue, a wild-haired Ursa comes running in their direction. "Aunty Azula!" she shouts. "Come on, I think I almost did it! Come see! I almost did it, just like you said! I almost bended lightning!"

Zuko can feel his eyebrows shoot into his hairline. Azula takes Ursa's hand and flashes him an incredibly toothy grin, and all he can do is stare.

"Don't worry your pretty little head, Zuzu. We'll play nice," Azula calls behind her as she allows Ursa to lead her to the vegetation-free training area.

Zuko watches his little girl run off with his crazy sister to perform highly advanced and indisputably deadly forms of firebending in their backyard, and tries to find words strong enough to express his outrage.

Mai materializes beside him and takes his arm.

"We are _not_ going to let her watch over our children," he says emphatically.

"Oh, I don't know, Zuko," Mai replies. "Letting Azula teach them lightningbending might just turn out to be a blessing in disguise. This way the kids can keep you company whenever the urge to scream at thunderstorms should strike."

Zuko shakes his head slowly in exaggerated regret. "There are so many things I should never have told you about myself, Mai."

They watch for several more seconds in silence as Azula goes through the motions of producing lightning, directing her hypothetical attack at the most beautifully flowering almond tree, while Ursa watches with admiration.

"We should probably stop them, then," says Mai.

"Just make sure I don't accidentally murder my sister, okay?"

"I won't tell Ty Lee if you don't."

"Deal."

.

Disappointingly enough, all that that amounts to is a thorough scolding, the threat to never let the two of them play together again, and the strict warning of _No more firebending lessons, or you don't get cake_. Oh, well. There are still plenty of opportunities for dramatic showdowns to be had, Zuko tells himself. Azula and he seem to provoke that kind of thing on a regular basis.

A miffed Ursa is temporarily pacified with a piece of blueberry pie – and a miffed Azula, with the reassurance that "maybe one day, when she's older."


	4. Chapter 4

**Note: **Last part. And to answer a Guest's question: yes, Azula can still firebend, which is what makes her the perfect firefighter – and what got her the job in the first place despite her being all, y'know, Azula-like.

* * *

Zuko exchanges some small talk with an assortment of Mai's moderately distant relatives, the men stony-faced and the women's lips stretched in perfect, painful-looking smiles. He's definitely had enough socializing for now.

He sits beneath the furthest tree from the refreshments table, where no man dares venture, holding a cup of fire-seed wine with a little paper umbrella in it. He is far enough away so that nobody would feel compelled to sit down next to him and initiate conversation, and close enough to keep both his sister and his daughter in his field of vision. Mai and Zhuyin are nowhere to be seen, so he guesses they might be together somewhere doing something more interesting, like reinventing the rules of Pai Sho to make it about dragon riding and world domination somehow.

Zuko leans back against the tree and closes his eyes. He is just so tired. He hasn't slept through one straight night in weeks, and this is when his kids are finally past the diaper-changing age. Between governing a former empire and planning birthday parties and spending time with Mai and resolving tiny squabbles with long-winded lectures and candy, there's most definitely not been enough Mai.

Would it really be so bad to leave the kids with Azula for one weekend?

It probably would. He's just letting his exhaustion override his common sense. Which is another reason why he needs some time off, now that he thinks about it. Dammit.

Out of nowhere, a tiny humanoid with frizzy wisps of black hair sticking out of its ornately pinned topknot, grass stains on its silk robe and raspberry sauce all over its face suddenly appears in Zuko's lap.

"I'm hungry," it informs Zuko.

Zuko puts down his drink and wraps his arms around his son. "There's every imaginable form of junk food scattered all over the place," he says. "You've noticed too, by the look of things." He scrapes some jam off Zhuyin's cheek with a finger and pops it in his mouth. "Yum."

Zhuyin giggles delightedly and wipes his own fingers on Zuko's face, painting it with a delectable mixture of mud and orange pudding.

"Thanks, Zhuyin," says Zuko. "But you don't have to waste it on me. You're the one who's hungry, right? Here, have some."

Zuko transfers some of the concoction from his face onto Zhuyin's nose, and thus commences a food fight consisting entirely of leftovers already stuck to clothing and body parts in advance. When they're done they've split the dirt mass between them but tripled its surface area, and look more or less equally ridiculous. Which obviously means Zuko lost by default, since he is an adult and Zhuyin is three.

"Still hungry?" he asks Zhuyin.

"Nooo!" Zhuyin declares and runs off, but not before adding one final touch of brownish orange to the sticky masterpiece of Zuko's face.

.

On his way to the bathroom Zuko bumps into Mai, and she silently stares at his mud and pudding-painted face for several long seconds.

"This isn't funny," he tells her, fighting his own grin.

"I completely agree," she says.

"Mai, I'm serious."

"As am I. Do I look amused to you?"

He searches her face intently; studies the eyes, examines the eyebrows, scrutinizes the lips.

Nothing.

Of _course_ fourteen years together wouldn't be long enough to learn to identify any of the cracks in Mai's mask. What was he thinking?

"You'll pay for this," he intones. "I know where you're ticklish."

"I'll take that into consideration," Mai replies in an uninflected voice and walks away.

Zuko thinks he hears a snort, and he knows better than to believe it's just his imagination.

.

On his way out of the bathroom Zuko bumps into Ursa, and she doesn't waste any time either silent or staring.

"Dad, can Azula show me some firebending moves now?" she pleads.

"No," replies Zuko.

"But she says we won't do any more lightningbending."

"No."

"But she says she can make her fire red so it's less hot."

"No."

"But she says we'll be really careful and she knows how to do it so it's safe because her job is to make sure people don't get burned."

"No."

"But she said she'd never let anything hurt me."

"N–" he starts to repeat once again, and immediately does a double-take. "Wait. Azula said that?"

"Yeah! She said she'll make sure I'm always okay, because I'm important or something," Ursa replies, sensing she might have hit a mark. "So can we? Please, Dad? Please please please _pleeease?_"

He looks at his daughter and her big doe eyes and heart-melting little frown and the smudged chocolate on her cheek. She looks back and makes her eyes even doeier.

"Sorry, kiddo," he tells her. "Still no."

.

"Zuko!" Mai calls him from over at the fruit punch table. "Get over here. Aang is being enthusiastic."

Sometimes it almost seems to Zuko like his family and friends are made up entirely of easily enthused people and easily annoyed ones who, upon direct or indirect contact, immediately enthuse and annoy each other to the point of combustion. Then he remembers that that is, in fact, precisely the case.

He walks over to the two people representing the absolute extremes of that hypothetical graph, and is immediately enveloped in an armadillo-bear hug by a highly enthused Aang, who is, incidentally, almost a head taller than him nowadays.

"Zuko! My favorite Fire Lord!" he declares.

"Hey, Aang," Zuko greets him. "I'll try not to let that flattery go to my head."

Aang has been in the Fire Nation for the past couple of weeks on official Avatar business, so Zuko actually had a few chances to catch up with him, and he already heard about Katara's diplomatic tour in the United Republic, where she's been for the last couple of months while Aang had things to do elsewhere. Zuko knows he misses her.

"How's the birthday girl?" Aang asks.

"She's five," says Mai.

"She's really excited to be five," says Zuko.

"How come I haven't seen her around yet? Usually I don't get two steps into the Fire Nation before being mauled by a tiny princess begging me to do the whirly thing."

Zuko snorts and points to the other side of the garden where Ursa is sitting down in the grass and watching Azula mimic some of Ty Lee's simpler routines. "She has a new toy," he says.

"That's great!" Aang says happily. "You're finally becoming a family again."

"Actually, I think we're finally becoming a family for the first time."

Aang laughs resonantly. "That's great, too."

Mai yawns deeply. "I'm gonna leave you to your sentimental gushing, then, boys," she says, and pats Zuko's arm encouragingly. "Enjoy."

"Don't listen to her," Zuko tells Aang. "She just wants to go tell Zhuyin fairytales and coo adoringly all over him."

"Such lies, Zuko. Lies and slander," Mai throws over her shoulder as she walks away, and is immediately joined by Zhuyin, whom she picks up and kisses on the nose.

Aang laughs boomingly some more. Zuko is seriously becoming jealous of this guy's larynx. He really knows how to laugh.

"So, uh, Aang," says Zuko. "How's, I mean, how are you and Katara doing?"

Aang's smile diminishes a little. "I haven't seen her in sixteen and a half days," he says sadly. "Letters just aren't the same. And her messenger hawk hates me."

"A member of the animal kingdom that hates you? That can't be true."

"I think it might be because my letters are so heavy."

"You should use reduced-thickness parchment," Zuko advises. It's kind of absurd how much he knows about parchment after dealing with paper-related grievances for the past week.

_Paper-related grievances._ That sounds even more absurd.

Aang smiles sardonically. "The thing is," he says as he pulls out an incredibly thick roll of extraordinarily thin parchment, "I already am."

"Let me see that." Zuko snatches Aang's alleged letter, which would more accurately be described as a novella, and rolls it open.

It's actually rather well written, and beautifully describes Aang's thoughts and feelings and other things Zuko has no interest in whatsoever.

"You're even more disgustingly in love than I gave you credit for," he tells Aang. "You deserve your messenger hawk hating you."

"I still have the beak marks on my hands."

"I don't want to hear you complain about scars, Aang."

Aang chuckles. "That's balderdash, Zuko. You wouldn't have had half as many lady admirers without that scar and you know it."

"Hey, Aang, I know you were born more than a century ago, but don't you think it's about time you stopped using phrases like _balderdash_ and _lady admirers _and –"

"Don't say it!"

"_Hotman?"_

Aang sighs wistfully. "I'm going to bring that one back one of these day."

Now it's Zuko's turn to laugh. "You always were a dreamer," he says.

.

As the guests start to leave and the crowd dwindles, Zuko finds Ursa and Azula sitting cross-legged near the pond, talking. He leans against the closest marble pillar and casually eavesdrops.

"I heard the moon is made of cheese," Ursa declares.

"Then you have some unreliable sources," Azula tells her. "The moon is made mostly of rock, and partly of Yue."

"What's a Yue?" asks Ursa.

"It's a spirit, an incorporeal substance indigenous to the Northern Water Tribe. Also it's Uncle Sokka's ex-girlfriend from when he was still young and eligible," Azula explains.

"What's eligillible?"

"It's a male-specific condition. It has to do with ability to convince the opposite sex of one's worthiness of their time. It passes with age, which is why Uncle Sokka hasn't had a girlfriend in so long."

"I thought it was because he was so busy being politically relevant."

"That's what he told you, is it? It's fairly typical of the early period of post-eligibility, also known as the denial stage. The subject is likely to make up far-fetched excuses, such as imaginary career obligations, in order to cover up his condition. It's likely also the reason why he didn't come to your birthday party today. Afflicted males become increasingly dedicated to the charade they construct."

Ursa seems increasingly worried. "So Uncle Sokka isn't here because he's sick?" she asks.

"In a way," replies Azula. "You don't have to worry, though. This is nothing True Love's Kiss can't cure. If he manages to find somebody to administer it, of course."

"What happens if he doesn't?"

"Well, Ursa," Azula sighs dramatically, "if he doesn't, then he might just become an old maid. Forever."

Ursa exhales and, in the very serious way of saying very silly things only children have, she says, "I'm glad _I'm_ not a male."

Azula nods solemnly. "Me too, Ursa. Me too."

"Aw, it's not _that_ bad." Zuko pushes himself off the pillar and approaches them.

"Dad!" Ursa calls happily. "Can we send Uncle Sokka a get-well-soon gift basket like he sent me when I had the komodo-chickenpox?"

Zuko hums in contemplation. "I'm not sure," he says. "He's all the way over at the South Pole right now. It might take several months to get to him."

"What if we give it to Aang and he gives it to him when he goes back home?"

"I don't know. You'll have to ask Aang."

"I will!" declares Ursa. She bounces up and zooms off to find Aang.

Zuko joins Azula on the edge of the pond and tosses her a cinnamon bun.

"I have to admit, your bullshitting skills have really improved," he tells her.

"Nonsense, Zuko. I'm an impeccable liar and always have been. You of all people should know that."

"Yeah, but you never used to do it just for fun."

"I did it just for fun quite often, actually."

"The non-sociopathic kind of fun, Azula."

"Oh."

They eat their cinnamon buns in, for once, not especially tense silence. Zuko notices that Azula eats her bun from the middle outwards, just like he always does. He'd never noticed that before.

"You know…" he says around a half-chewed glob of pastry. "I think it's good you're here."

Azula swallows her own mouthful and speaks with her usual condescension. "Well, I didn't exactly have a –"

She cuts herself short and twists her lips in an odd way.

Azula doesn't often bother to censure herself. Partly because she usually thinks every word through carefully before speaking, but mostly because her remarks are actually meant to be hurtful more often than not.

With very stiff shoulders and a different tone, she clears her throat and says, "Me too, Zuzu."

They stay (_tensely_) silent for more than a minute, and Zuko's never seen Azula look so uncomfortable.

He says, "Did you just use that stupid nickname in a non-sarcastic context?"

Azula's shoulders relax a fraction and she barks out a short laugh. "I did," she replies. "Thank you for ruining the mood, Zuzu. And I mean that sincerely."

They continue to chew on their cinnamon buns together, and when the turtle-ducks swim nearby, Azula tosses them a few crumbs in a way that isn't likely to cause brain damage.

.

In the end Mai and Zuko decide they'll take the weekend off and leave the kids at home with Azula and their nanny. They figure the two of them make a good balance, and in any case there are always the four cooks to keep an eye on things. Also, it would probably be much more conducive to Zuko's peace of mind if he doesn't sleep in the same building as his sister.

The party has dispersed, and only Toph, Aang, Azula and a handful of Mai's relatives are still around.

Azula is playing hide and seek with Zhuyin, who is watching her peek underneath tablecloths and behind large ornamental rocks from the branch of a eucalyptus tree and giggling gleefully. Zuko's fairly certain Azula is already aware he's up there, unless she's somehow managed to fail to notice the gleefully giggling tree in the corner. He doesn't think Azula's ever purposely lost anything before.

Aang is making up for lost time with Ursa and taking her piggyback riding in the sky. He's performing triple somersaults and corkscrew dives, and Ursa's squeals of joy can probably be heard all the way to Republic City. Zuko's pretty sure that in case it's still a tossup between Aang and Sokka over who's the cooler uncle, the scale is definitely tipping in Aang's favor at the moment.

Toph is flirting with some second-grand-cousin-in-law or something of equal needlessly confusing complexity. Of course, by _'flirting'_ he means _'engaging in hand-to-hand combat'_. So really, they might actually be fighting for all he knows. Or just bonding over a friendly pissing contest. It is also possible that they've both simply had too much rice beer. Maybe Mai will understand it better.

He finds Mai working on her legal proposal near the southeast gate.

"What do you think Toph's doing with your grand-aunt's grandson's ex-wife's long lost brother over there?" he asks her.

"Who, Kulong? I think they know each other from her metalbending academy or something," she replies without taking her eyes off her paper.

"Hm. Should I go give him the '_if you ever hurt her'_ speech?"

"You absolutely shouldn't," says Mai. "She's already gotten back in touch with one overbearing father, she doesn't need another one."

He sighs. "You're right."

"I try to make a habit of it," she says distractedly and scratches out a few lines on her bill.

Zuko watches her work for a little while. Even concentrating intently, Mai is completely expressionless.

And completely beautiful.

"Hey," he murmurs softly.

"What?" she asks.

"We're kind of a weird family, aren't we," he says. "But I think, you know, mostly good enough."

From the corner of his eye he catches Mai staring at him as he gazes meaningfully into the horizon.

"That's very deep, Zuko," she says.

He turns to grin at her. "I think I'll just ignore the sarcasm. So, thank you, Mai."

"Ignoring your sincerity, you're welcome."

Zuko looks at Mai's unmoved expression and slips her scroll out of her hands. He truly loves this woman very sincerely much.

He winds one arm around Mai's waist, uses the other hand to muss up her perfect hair, and kisses her softly and messily until she smiles, and for some time after that.


End file.
